I feel bad for abandoning this blog, there is so much I have been doing and I feel guilty for not sharing it along the way. I also feel guilty about not making my goal of donating 12 blankets to Project Linus this year. I have 4. That’s it.
I also feel guilty about not finishing things I start. An official website. Publishing a written pattern. Starting to teach crochet lessons. There’s so much I wanted to do, but for one reason or another it didn’t happen.
One major life event happened this year: my father in law passed away. As much as we tried to get there in time to see him before he passed, it just wasn’t in the cards. This is still impacting us in ways I didn’t expect. This past week for example, I kept on saying to the kids “Grandma and Grandpa” out of habit. This is the first Christmas without him, and I felt so bad every time I said Grandpa that I was only reminding them of the pain of losing him.
After my FIL’s passing, much of my attention turned to my kids, and trying to make their lives happier. No matter how I tried to make my son more comfortable at home with the daycare kids, it wasn’t happening. The wake up call was when he decided not to eat after school anymore, and started to lose weight. Deciding to close my daycare had to be one of the hardest decisions I’ve made in a long time. I love the kids so much, and it felt like I was letting everyone down.
I took on the Farmer’s Market here this year, and am now representing 2 local dairies and their products. That was something I could have never predicted! As much as I enjoy it, the dairy is also part of the reason for losing focus on my creations.
All these changes, all this chaos this year… much of it has been for the happiness of the kids. Some of the consequences of the changes have been hard for me. Such as replacing the income lost from closing my daycare… but my kids are happier, so that is worth it, right?
As we close out this year, I hope if you have any grievances towards me you can forgive me. I am not perfect, and I am looking forward to 2014 being filled with much love and understanding for all.